MSM Staff Blog
Sharing Leadership
Sharing leadership of a small group can be an opportunity or a hurdle.
When it comes to having two leaders in a group, some people will naturally fit with their partner, other people will bump heads. The important thing to remember is that right now you are both leaders of the group and necessary. In the future, as the group grows you will see the benefit of multiple leaders even more. There are many things that effect leader dynamics (familiarity, personalities meshing, maturity of leaders) but the important thing is to know that if you feel a little awkward or have some conflicts, that is totally normal.
Now the best analogy I can think of for sharing leadership is a marriage/parenting. Weird, I know, but it's true! The relationship between the parents will make or break the parenting. So, with that said, the most important thing in approaching shared leadership is that it's a relationship! So, I'm going to talk about co-leadership in that context.
You might be saying, "Well, I would never 'marry' my co-leader, I wouldn't pick them, so this analogy breaks down." If that's what you're saying, I'd say that is a very Western way of viewing marriage. When the Old & New Testaments were written, most cultures had arranged marriages which meant much less choice in the matter. So with the idea of being put together with someone, let's talk about how to make this work.
1- Communicate
Number one cause of problems while co-leading is a lack of communication. When you talk about things it makes a world of difference. I think when you go without conversations is when things start to fall apart. True in any relationship, when there is inconsistent communication, people feel divided, as if something is wrong when really everything is fine.
Here's a guideline for when you should be meeting:
1- Post-Meeting: Touch base for a few minutes to talk over what went well during your last meeting. Then talk about who is going to take what elements next week. Do this Wednesday night as soon as we're done setting up the room for the next day.
2- Mid Week: Give a call/text/email to see how things are coming along. This isn't a long talk but it's just checking in.
3- Pre-Meeting: Get to church a few minutes before we start and grab a minute in the hallway or a side room before you head in. Once the games start or you're in the room, it's off to the races. This takes 2 minutes and is a quick huddle to confirm that everything is a go. Also good to check to see how each other's day was. Have your co-leaders back if they're sick, frustrated, whatever.
Find the best way for that person to communicate. Some people do great over the phone, others prefer email, maybe they are a face to face communicator. Just ask, "What's the best way for me to get a hold of you about group stuff?" and then meet them where they are at.
2- Share the Load
It can be very easy to let someone else lead and just observe; that isn't co-leadership. You aren't in this group because you're just there to watch... you're a leader. (All leaders go through a time where they're shadowing another leader, and that is a time where you observe, but that comes to an end eventually and you co-lead.) So, start communicating and share the load as far as organizing the group time, contacting students, all of it. If every week, one leader is leading the ENTIRE discussion, that isn't sharing. If only one leader is contacting the students mid week, that isn't sharing.
Now some people don't take their portion of the load because they tend to watch until their called upon. That person needs to step up and carry part of the load. Often though, the load isn't shared because one leader is possessive. They don't want the other person to prep the discussion cause they can do it fine. They don't want the other person to contact the students because they can take care of it themselves.
"Two is better than one", ever heard that before. (If not, it's in the bible, you should read it, Ecclesiastes 4:9.) That's an important principle here! Realize that you can give more care and connect with more students if you work together. So if you do a heart check and realize you're being possessive.... it's time to share. Maybe you feel like there are deficiencies in the other leader, that aren't sin, but they just aren't as good they could be. Well, they won't learn if they aren't given a chance to try. Give them positive feedback and some correction where needed. This happens one-on-one and not in front of students.
It may not be that hard for many of you as leaders to imagine a set of parents that don't have balance. Perhaps you only grew up with one parent in your home. Maybe had a parent who was physically present but never fully engaged. At the very least you've seen families with this kind of dynamic. Parents are intended to share the load and work together. As co-leaders, you're called to this also!
3- Create Clear Expectations
This next point is like a combination of the first two. I wrestled with including it, but it's so important that I included it. Over the years, I will have co-leader come to me about a conflict with the leader they are working with, it almost always goes like this.
Leader: "My co-leader isn't doing X! Why don't they do Y?"
Trent: "Do they know you expect that out of them?"
Leader: "Well, it's obvious!"
Trent: "Okay, but have you talked about this, do they know this is what you expect."
Leader: "Um, no. But it's Obvious!"
Trent: "Well, obviously, it's not obvious."
AND SCENE... If you lay out what you need to do to make things work, then you'll be good. You have a Roster of students, Who is the "Primary Care Giver" for each of them? You've laid out the plan for this week, who is going to get the supplies? come up with the icebreaker? All of this should be very clear. If you divide the students and elements, then you'll find the load to be much lighter. This requires some planning ahead, but is TOTALLY worth it.Now if there are concerns among leaders I think the best thing for them to do is to try and communicate together and work it out. Occasionally there will be an issue that is bigger than this and requires a 3rd party to step in. When it comes to the welfare of the student, obviously bring the pastor in on that, but for the little things, a little communication goes a LONG WAY! Make those expectations clear and see what happens. If they still aren't following up on it, tell them. If they STILL don't meet expectations, then we've got to do something about it.
In my house, growing up my Dad did the Laundry. Sure, Mom did a load occasionally, but that was Dad's thing. My Mom did the grocery shopping and kept food in the pantry. Sure Dad occasionally went shopping (and as kids this was the best because we'd fool dad to buy our favorite cookies and cereal in excess with the simple line 'mom always gets this') but usually this was Mom's thing. You may find that you fall into roles like this, and that's fine. With that said, you want to be a well rounded leader so be sure to trade off occasionally. It will help you grow as a leader.
Hopefully this will help you as co-leaders. I really believe that co-leading is the best way to reach these students during Wednesdays Nights and the ministry times mid-week too. Work together and keep up the good work!
Have Fun,
-trent
Youth Group Rules
-trent
The Stuff Christians Like Youth Group Rules …
The youth group bus or van will not be purchased from a dealership named, “Vans that like to catch on fire & buses that break down in the middle of the night on the side of the road on the way to New Hampshire ski retreats.”
Only one “dude with an acoustic guitar” will be allowed per youth group.
If you go on a retreat and you’re boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t go, they should expect to get dumped when you return home. Cause that’s happening.
Only tankinis and swim shirts shall be worn on youth group beach trips.
All youth group retreats should be held at locations that could double for horror movie backdrops because it adds to the intensity of the weekend.
Youth group volunteers who are helping out primarily to relive their own high school glory days vicariously through the teens will be removed quickly and quietly.
At no point should there be a circle of back massages during a youth group event. (Saw that happen a number of times.)
At no point should a youth minister try to keep a bad dating relationship together simply because he knows that as soon as the church girl dumps the non church boyfriend he’ll drop out of youth group.
Every month there should be at least one gross food related game played. Preferably involving baby food. Preferably not involving me.
The big tub of orange drink should not be stirred with a youth worker’s sweaty arm.
You should pull and eventually apologize for epic pranks, claiming that you want to do “all things with excellence” when you are caught.
The one parent who complains about something you did will not be empowered to steer the entire course of the youth group. The 50 other parents who didn’t complain will also be considered.
If someone hasn’t complained or taken issue with or questioned something your youth group has done in the last six months you will retreat to your youth room and ask yourselves, “What are we doing wrong?”
The guy with the jeep will always let the pastor’s kid ride shotgun. In 1993 that would have meant me and the jeep guy were pretty tight.
If the youth minister changes his/her tone of voice, vocabulary and outfit, when they get around youth, saying things like, “Yo, my tweets are blowing up, we ballin’ on a budget,” that youth minister will be hit with water balloons filled with honey.
Christianese